23 weeks!

First, the good stuff:
Look how big you've gotten!

not only have you been getting bigger, you've been getting CUTER (how that is possible, I have no idea)!

We've been getting baby gear deliveries all week... I can't wait for you to see your new home! We already have a nice stash of clothes to dress you in, a car seat and stroller so we can take you out into nature and the world, plus adorable bath stuff! I've designed the walls of your nursery; a big tree with jungle creatures and a pond with lillypads and frogs plus a nice big sky with puffy clouds.  It's going to look so great with your new crib and all the great blankies and sheets. I'm going to have a painting party when we get back from out trip home to North Carolina! I hope you are ready for all the yummy food that you get to taste while we are down there!

YUMMMY!

Now for the not so good...
It's been a tough week, baby.  You are kicking up a storm, expecially at night so I've been having trouble sleeping.  I've also devloped some serious self-image issues that I didn't take too much notice of for a few weeks, but has since come to my attention.  When I was younger, I always felt kind of awkward and weird but I was able to project confidence to the world.  Now, I am not able to... I just want to hide away in the house and not go out in public. I'm not sure if its fear of stangers touching me and making inappropriate comments or people just looking at me and thinking whatever they are going to think.  But, it's really bothering me.  Plus, I've been a little neglectful of daddy :(

Work has been very busy also, and there have been a few snafus that I can feel my emotions getting the best of me.  I feel weak, I can't lift as much as I used to and I am out of breath after one flight of stairs.  I'm having a hard time just letting people do things for me that I was able to do myself just a short time ago. I feel tired and a lack of the energy I'm usually so full of. I'm also scared about labor and delivery.  I know that my body is built to be able to handle it, but I'm scared that something bad will happen.  You move around so much, I get scared that you will get tangled in your umbilical cord and choke, or you'll start being born the wrong direction. All taken, just been a brain monstery week.

Scary :(

However, baby I want you to know, NONE of this is your fault.  These are just my old demons being dredged up and I have to be strong and fight them back.  I want to prove I can do it, so if it comes up for you later in life, I can help you fight them too. I'm not sure why it's all coming up now, maybe so I can beat them all down and be ready for you when you come.  I'm sure everything will be fine and you will be the most beautiful, smart and amazing baby this world has ever seen. I just have to be a good mom and be strong.