Washington DC!

You certainly have done a lot of traveling... First up to the Catskills after the wedding, down to North Carolina to your ancestral home and now, Washington, DC! I had to go for a conference and Daddy decided to come with me because he had never been before.

USDA demo veggie garden

 So, we had a lovely time, I met LOTS of people who are doing the same thing I am- helping people eat better and making sure everyone gets to eat the yummy fruit and veggies that grow near them.

I have been SO busy with work, everything has kind of fallen to the wayside at home.  I had trucks to bring hither and yon, and all kinds of Earth Day events to attend. But, yesterday I spent time doing laundry, sweeping, and scrubbing everything so that we had a nice clean house again! Finally...feels good to have a day off to just get things done! Yesterday was also my 3rd Holistic Birthing class.  In class we spoke about our fears and what we were scared about; by saying and accepting them we can overcome them.  I'm scared that I will end up having to have a C-Section... that all this preparing for you to come naturally into the world will all be for not because something will go wrong.  I'm also scared Daddy will be scared... he says he might be, but that its okay... he'll get himself together enough to help me. Being pregnant, all sorts of things have come up that I thought I had dealt with and moved on.  The Yogi said this is normal... women go through a new metamorphosis during pregnancy and in giving birth.  The physical one is the most obvious, but also and emotional one... wondering if we will be good mothers, knowing that nothing will ever be the same again.  I've been a pet mom 3 times now and I've always known that I am responsible for their doggie and kitty lives and health.  But, you... you are different.  You will grow up to be a real, live human being... someone who has to be responsible for themselves, who may have a family of their own.  I'm confident that Daddy and I will be able to instill in you all the important qualities you will need to be successful in whatever you choose.  But, it's still scary to think sometimes... I'm going to have a BABY!!!  ME!!!

Your room is almost finished being painted, just a few small touches left and we built your crib! All your stuff has been stored in the closet for now and we have this great rolling cart for all your diaper and care stuff.  We have some pictures that we need to hang up.  Some things will have to wait until after you are born because your dresser is on back order... you'll be living out of the closet for a month, but that's okay. We found out that with the crib we bought, the company will plant 10 trees in your honor! We have to wait until your born to register for it... because we don't know if you are a boy or a girl!!! We want to make sure the certificate says the right name and your birthday.  Today, we have to go to the doctor for a test and the first of my now biweekly checkups.  At the last one, the doctor was very happy to hear how active you have been.  I've been counting your kicks and you are so ahead of the game! I have to take a glucose test and I need to ask about some special shots Daddy and I may need to make sure we don't get you sick. 

There is so much going on these days, baby.  I'm trying very hard to keep everything on schedule and not forget anything that has to be done.  I have a great calender that reminds me of things that are coming up (as long as I remember to put things in there!) I've been getting so much done and there is still so much to do I feel like time is started to get short and there is so much I have to do before you come. But, I know I need to take time to relax, breathe, eat right and take my vitamins. It's hard sometimes... it's very important that I do... trying to be super mom isn't good for either of us <3

You are 28 (or 27, depending on who you ask) weeks now... you have grown so much and you kick and push all the time (like right now!). I play music for you from time to time, when I'm laying down in the evenings (haven't had much time for that lately!) You like instrumental Hip-Hip, the Barenaked Ladies Kids albums and Daddy found a Pixies lullaby album which you also seem to like. You are a great combination of the two of us.  Just you wait, kiddo... there's all kinds of great music out there!  I'm warning you now... your music education is VERY important to us, no Justin Beiber or Lil Wayne.  Sorry, baby... I'm all for letting you be who you want, but that is just asking too much.

I'm going to leave you with a pretty picture of a flower I saw 2 weeks ago at a garden.  I love you!

i don't know what it is!

23 weeks!

First, the good stuff:
Look how big you've gotten!

not only have you been getting bigger, you've been getting CUTER (how that is possible, I have no idea)!

We've been getting baby gear deliveries all week... I can't wait for you to see your new home! We already have a nice stash of clothes to dress you in, a car seat and stroller so we can take you out into nature and the world, plus adorable bath stuff! I've designed the walls of your nursery; a big tree with jungle creatures and a pond with lillypads and frogs plus a nice big sky with puffy clouds.  It's going to look so great with your new crib and all the great blankies and sheets. I'm going to have a painting party when we get back from out trip home to North Carolina! I hope you are ready for all the yummy food that you get to taste while we are down there!

YUMMMY!

Now for the not so good...
It's been a tough week, baby.  You are kicking up a storm, expecially at night so I've been having trouble sleeping.  I've also devloped some serious self-image issues that I didn't take too much notice of for a few weeks, but has since come to my attention.  When I was younger, I always felt kind of awkward and weird but I was able to project confidence to the world.  Now, I am not able to... I just want to hide away in the house and not go out in public. I'm not sure if its fear of stangers touching me and making inappropriate comments or people just looking at me and thinking whatever they are going to think.  But, it's really bothering me.  Plus, I've been a little neglectful of daddy :(

Work has been very busy also, and there have been a few snafus that I can feel my emotions getting the best of me.  I feel weak, I can't lift as much as I used to and I am out of breath after one flight of stairs.  I'm having a hard time just letting people do things for me that I was able to do myself just a short time ago. I feel tired and a lack of the energy I'm usually so full of. I'm also scared about labor and delivery.  I know that my body is built to be able to handle it, but I'm scared that something bad will happen.  You move around so much, I get scared that you will get tangled in your umbilical cord and choke, or you'll start being born the wrong direction. All taken, just been a brain monstery week.

Scary :(

However, baby I want you to know, NONE of this is your fault.  These are just my old demons being dredged up and I have to be strong and fight them back.  I want to prove I can do it, so if it comes up for you later in life, I can help you fight them too. I'm not sure why it's all coming up now, maybe so I can beat them all down and be ready for you when you come.  I'm sure everything will be fine and you will be the most beautiful, smart and amazing baby this world has ever seen. I just have to be a good mom and be strong.

Oof

Little sore today, baby... I was told my muscles would get sore, but I was still surprised by this.  Seems like we're doing things a little backwards.  My emotions are a roller-coaster and since I've had this cold, I haven't been feeling well.  Here we are going into the 2nd trimester, the so called "honeymoon" trimester and I am not feeling great while some of my yoga lady friends have said they were jealous of how I didn't have any morning sickness. 

Good thing today is a day off and I have some puttering around the house to do.  I have been taking your fur sister Sydney out on longer walks, which she seems blissfully unaware is beneficial to all 3 of us. It's okay, she is really smart for a furry kid, but as far as humans go, she seems happier being ignorant.

Your Grandma Iline sent me this great pregnancy book that I need to look through which would be a nice, relaxing thing to do today as well.  Daddy and I downloaded a whole bunch of cool kid songs for you as well.  We are going to get some big earphones and strap them on my belly for you to listen to while you are growing.